


Hear You Me

by orphan_account



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: M/M, References to Suicide, School Shootings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-30
Updated: 2013-05-30
Packaged: 2017-12-13 10:56:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,438
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/823517
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <strong>11:52 p.m. </strong>
</p><p> </p><p>The phone stops ringing. Liam's ears do not.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Hear You Me

**Author's Note:**

> TRIGGER WARNING: This work contains references to suicide and a school shooting. If you are sensitive to this stuff, please read at your own risk. I'd rather have you safe than read my stuff. It is a bit dark. There's a happy ending, though. And if you've ever been through a school shooting, or a friend of yours has ever committed suicide, I'm very sorry.

 

**8:02 a.m.**

Liam makes his way into school, his bag slung over his shoulder, flannel shirt buttoned almost to the top, dark jeans slung low on his hips. It's the same as every other day. On his arm is Perrie Edwards, his best friend's girlfriend. She's wearing a white dress, black pumps, and Zayn's leather jacket. She looks stunning. She's always looked stunning.

 

Zayn is late. Zayn is always late.

 

Liam goes to homeroom and sits near the back. He slings his bag over the seat behind him for Zayn.

 

Zayn doesn't show up.

 

**11:46 a.m.**

Lunch is the same as it always is: same disgusting, inedible meat, undistinguishable vegetables, and green, questionable jell-o. Liam sits at his usual table. Perrie sits across from him and to the right, across from where Zayn usually sits so they can play footsy underneath the table. Zayn hasn't shown up. Liam attempts to eat the mystery meat. He almost vomits.

 

And then.

 

**11:48 a.m.**

There's a loud _pop_. At first, Liam doesn't understand what's happening. The pop is followed by screaming and the people nearest the doors to the cafeteria are diving underneath the table. Another pop. And then another. Liam doesn't understand.

 

Zayn slams into the cafeteria, gun in hand, and the popping makes sense to Liam.

 

**11:52 p.m.**

The phone stops ringing. Liam's ears do not.

 

Three teachers and fourteen kids are dead. Among them are Max George, high school football star, Perrie Edwards, and Zayn.

 

*

 

"Did you hear about the new kid?"

 

"He's from _Bradford_."

 

"Do you think he was there?"

 

"Do you think he knew the guy?"

 

"What's his name?"

 

"Liam. Liam Payne."

 

*

 

"Lou, seriously, come on!" Harry shouted, helplessly grabbing for the bag that his best friend, Louis, had stolen from him. Louis was currently seated on a tall branch on the old tree on campus, dangling the bag just out of Harry's reach.

 

"You'll have to work for it, Styles!" Louis called back cheerfully.

 

"God, you're such an idiot!" Harry shouted without heat. He lost his balance slightly and took a step backwards, knocking into something solid.

 

"Shit!" A voice said as Harry toppled backwards on top of the poor lad.

 

"Shit, I'm sorry!" Harry said, rolling off of him and leaping up, offering his hand to the unfortunate lad who'd been graced with the presence of Harry's clumsiness.

 

"Eh, it's fine. I think I'll live." The boy said and _wow_ , Harry thought, he's quite lovely. He had curly hair that was cut short and styled into a nice looking quiff, a navy blue V-neck shirt, white jeans that showed off his pretty arse, and black converse. His eyes were an incredible hazel and his smile was shy but cute. Harry was screwed, to say the least. He was a sucker for boys who looked like puppies.

 

"I'm Harry." He said, helping the boy collect the books that were now splayed in the grass.

 

"Liam." The boy replied, shaking Harry's hand once he'd collected all his items.

 

"Hazza, what _have_ you done?" Louis said sassily, having climbed down from the tree to see what the commotion was. Harry grabbed his bag back before Louis could snatch it away.

 

"This is Liam. I...mauled him." Liam blushed and Harry swooned a little. Louis smirked and shook Liam's hand.

 

"I'm Louis. Sorry about him, he was abandoned as a child. Carnival freaks found him in a dumpster."

 

"But they raised me as their own." Harry said. Liam's eyes flicked between them for a moment before he burst into laughter. Harry smiled wide. Jesus Christ, he was fucked.

 

"Are you new? I've never seen you before." Louis said as the warning bell rang, signaling for students to haul their arses to class.

 

"Yeah, I just transferred." Liam said. Louis and Harry nodded. "Would you happen to know where Mr. Braun's class is? Chemistry?"

 

"Oh, that's my first class!" Harry said, a little too enthusiastically. Louis smirked at him. "I can show you."

 

"Thanks!" Liam said relief evident in his voice. "I wasn't sure I'd find any friends today."

 

"Why not? You seem like a nice enough bloke." Louis commented.

 

"Yeah," Liam said, not looking at them as they walked. Louis said his goodbyes as he left for AP English and Harry walked with Liam to Chemistry.

 

"So, what made you move to London for your last year?"

 

"Personal reasons. My mum thought it'd be...a nice change." Harry could tell Liam was leaving some stuff out, but he didn't want to call him on it. They hadn't really known each other well. Upon entering the classroom, Harry realized it was already pretty full. Liam stopped off to talk to the teacher and Harry secured two seats in the back for himself and Liam. He noticed the whispering right away.

 

"Class, this is Liam Payne, a transfer student from..." Mr. Braun read over Liam's transcripts and froze. "Bradford."

 

It made sense, really. The whispering erupted into questions being hurled at Liam. He looked overwhelmed and every bit the kicked puppy he obviously was. Harry bit his bottom lip as Mr. Braun tried to quiet the class. Liam looked ready to bolt and Mr. Braun leaned over and spoke quietly to him before ushering him to the seat Harry had saved.

 

The room was dead silent the rest of the hour. When the bell rang, Liam was up and out of his seat before anyone could utter a single syllable. Harry didn't see him again until lunch.

 

*

 

"Bradford? _Bradford_ _?_ " Louis said, shocked. "I mean, he had to have been there, right? There's no other reason why he'd transfer his last year of college."

 

"He looked really upset." Harry said as they sat down at their usual table. "Do you think he's going to be okay?"

 

"He had to have known people would jump down his throat, mate. I mean, he's kind of a celebrity in a sick way."

 

"Maybe I should go find him."

 

"You've got it bad, don't you?" Louis asked with a knowing grin. "You really like the lad! And you haven't even known him an entire day!"

 

"If you'd witnessed something horrible, Louis, would _you_ want to answer questions about it?"

 

"Yes," Louis answered immediately around his sandwich. "But I'm an attention whore. Poor Liam would probably snap under the pressure."

 

"And you can tell that even though you _haven't known him an entire day?"_ Harry mocked. Louis rolled his eyes.

 

"He looks like a fucking puppy!"

 

"Can I sit here?" Both boys turned to see Liam awkwardly standing with a tray of food in his hands. Harry nodded quickly and made room for him at the table. "Thanks."

 

"How's your first day been, Liam?" Louis asked.

 

"A bit rough. I'm sure you can guess why." Liam said, picking at his food and not meeting their eyes. They ate in silent for a few minutes before Louis finally burst out, "Did you know him? Zayn?"

 

Liam set his fork down and leveled his gaze on Louis, as if searching for something. Whatever he was looking for, he obviously didn't see it.

 

"He was my best friend." Liam replied quietly before spearing a leaf of lettuce and eating it. Louis and Harry locked eyes.

 

"I'm so sorry, Liam." Harry finally whispered. Liam nodded and continued to be silent. They didn't speak for the rest of the time. Harry didn't see Liam again that day.

 

*

 

"How was it?"

 

"Better than expected, but not much." Liam replied, setting his bag down and sitting at the kitchen table while his mum made dinner.

 

"It'll get easier, sweetheart. I promise."

 

"Thanks, but, no, it won't." Liam said, resting his head in his arms.

 

After dinner, he walked upstairs and lay down for a few minutes before grabbing for a box under his bed. It was a habit to look at the contents. Something Liam probably shouldn't do but that he did anyways. On top were pictures of him and Zayn, spanning from Year Two (when they first met) to last year. Liam hadn't noticed until afterwards that Zayn had stopped smiling by Year 10.

 

After the pictures were random drawings that Liam had collected over time. They were all scrap pieces and doodles that Zayn had wanted to throw away but Liam had kept. Some were of Zayn's family and of kids at their school and Perrie, but Liam's favorite was the sketch of him and Zayn together. It was a remake of a picture Liam still had from their first party in Year 9. Zayn had his arm wrapped around Liam's shoulders and Liam was kissing his cheek. They were both a little drunk, but the picture was taken right after Liam had admitted that he was gay and Zayn hadn't even blinked.

 

Further into the box was an old sweatshirt and two T-shirts, all belonging to Zayn. His mum hadn't wanted them back. One T-shirt was Spiderman while the other was Batman. On the front of the sweatshirt was a drawing of this really amazing forest Zayn had done a few years back. Liam had gotten it made for him for his birthday. Three months before he shot himself. Liam wouldn't have given that one back, anyways.

 

The final thing in the box was a letter. It was smudged in several places and crumpled. A corner was torn off. Liam had tried to throw it away so many times, but he'd eventually just pull it back out of the waste bin and tuck it back into the box.

 

 _Dear Liam,_ it said, in Zayn's artistic font. _I guess I should start with "I'm sorry." I bet you're pretty confused and hurt, and I understand. It's just that everything got so messed up in my head and I couldn't tell you about it because I didn't want to seem weak. I'm not sure what started it, but I know why I'm ending it. Perrie's been fucking some guys on the footie team for a while. I loved her, mate, and she just threw it back in my face. I'm never good enough for anyone, Li. No one but you. And I'm sorry, but that's not enough. As much as I wish it were, it's not. And I can't live like that. I can't. But I'm not going alone. I'm taking them with me. But you, I want you to go on, okay? Forget about me and my sins and don't let this tear you apart. I know you, and I know you'll wonder what you did wrong. You did absolutely_ nothing _wrong, ya hear? You did nothing but love me, every day, every minute. Yes, I knew. I knew you loved me all along. And I'm sorry I couldn't love you back. Not in the way you wanted me to. In the way you needed me to. But I do love you, Li. I really do. I love you enough to tell you to move on from this._

_I'll see you on the other side. If there is another side. Well, wherever I'm going, whether it be Heaven, Hell, or somewhere in between, I hope to see you there someday. (Unless it's Hell. You're too good for Hell, Liam. You're like a fucking Saint.)_

_Love always, Zayn_

Liam wiped the tears from his eyes and clenched his hands around the sheets of his bed. He felt the first of the sobs overtake his body and he shoved his face into a pillow to quiet them. He sobbed for his best friend, the love of his life, his fucking everything. All gone.

 

He wept until he could cry no more. And then he fell asleep.

 

*

 

"Liam! Liam, wait up!" Harry caught up to Liam and wrapped his arm through his. "You're a tough guy to find."

 

"Really?"

 

"Yes! I've been looking for you all morning!"

 

"You saw me in class, you idiot."

 

"Yeah, but I wanted to make sure you're eating lunch with me and Lou today! You haven't eaten with us for the last two weeks."

 

"Oh, I'm not sure I-"

 

"C'mon! You can meet our friend Niall. He's a great bloke! He's Irish and was on holiday in Mullingar. But he's back now and I know you'll love him!"

 

"Why do you want to be friends with me?" Liam asked suddenly, stopping in the middle of the hallway and turning to stare at Harry. Harry, for his part, didn't seem phased.

 

"Because, _Leeyum_ , everyone needs friends! And now that Lou and I have caught you, we're not letting you go!" Harry said. Then, softer, "and, in case you haven't noticed, I have a bit of a thing for you."

 

"Oh, Harry-"

 

"Look, I get it if you're not gay, okay?" Harry cut him off. "Just...just say you'll have lunch with us?"

 

"I am gay, Harry."

 

"Oh!" Harry said, and he smiled brightly at Liam.

 

"But I...look, Harry, I can't."

 

"What? Are you not out to your family?"

 

"No, I am, it's just-"

 

"Just what?"

 

"I'm still not over Zayn." Liam said tiredly. He hated the look of devastation that crossed Harry's face.

 

"I thought you said he was your best friend."

 

"My best friend who I was in love with."

 

"So, you and Zayn..."

 

"He had a girlfriend. He knew I loved him, but he wasn't gay. I never expected anything from it, anyways."

 

"Oh," Harry said again. They were silent for a moment. "Will you still have lunch with us?"

 

As predicted, Liam _did_ love Niall. He was like a little ray of sunshine with his dyed blond hair and bright smiles. He was bouncing the entire lunch hour, literally vibrating in his seat, and he kept asking questions about Liam that strayed far from that of his past. Liam suspected he'd already been told all the dirty details.

 

"Do ya sing, Liam?" Niall asked.

 

"Sometimes, I guess. Not really in front of people."

 

"Damned shame. My cousins and I are startin' up a band and we need a singer."

 

"Why not me?" Harry asked.

 

"Because you'd never show up ta the damned practices!" Niall shouted, and, well, Harry couldn't really argue with that logic.

 

"I'll think about it." Liam offered generously. Niall smiled and continued to eat his _second_ huge plate of food.

 

"How do you eat it all?" Liam asked in awe. The three boys shared a look and burst into laughter. Liam felt rather left out.

 

"Honestly, mate, if I ever find that out, I'll let ya know!" Niall said around a mouthful of pizza.

 

*

 

"I got asked to sing for this guy's band today." Liam said at dinner that night.

 

"That's wonderful, sweetie!" Liam's mum said, smiling warmly at him.

 

"I think you should go for it, kid." His dad replied.

 

"I don't know yet. It just seems a bit...soon."

 

"Soon?" Mrs. Payne said. "Honey, Zayn would want you to move on." She said quietly.

 

"He'd want you to be happy." Mr. Payne said.

 

"I know, I just....I'm not sure if I'm _ready_ to be happy yet."

 

"And why not? I hear you talk about your new friends, Liam. _Especially_ this Harry boy. You know if Zayn were here, he'd tell you to go for it!"

 

"That's the point!" Liam shouted. "Zayn _isn't_ here!"

 

"You're right." Mr. Payne said calmly. "Zayn isn't here. But you are. And it's time for you to start acting like it."

 

*

 

"Do you have a minute?"

 

"For you? Always." Harry said with a cheeky smile. Liam's heart stuttered a little bit at the sight of his dimples.

 

"I was just wondering if you'd, well, um, like to go with me to...Niall's party tonight." Liam finally spat out.

 

"Like...a date?" Liam took a deep breath.

 

"Yeah. Like a date."

 

"I'd love to!" Harry exclaimed, grinning wide at Liam.

 

"Okay. I'll pick you up at eight, then."

 

"I look forward to it." Harry said, leaning over and kissing Liam on the cheek. Liam blushed a deep crimson and Harry spun on his heel to get to his next class. Before he got too far, however, Liam called out.

 

"Harry! Wait! Where do you live?"

 

*

 

The party was in full swing by the time Liam and Harry showed up. Harry could tell Liam was a little out of his element so he just linked their hands and pulled him through to where Niall and Louis were standing in the back of the living room on a makeshift stage.

 

"Liam! There ya are!" Niall called, jumping up and wrapping him in a hug.

 

"Oof, it's good to see you too, Niall." Liam said, attempting to breathe around the death grip.

 

"You're going to sing for us, right?" He asked.

 

"Oh, um, I wasn't planning to-"

 

"Great. You're a real life saver." Niall said cheekily, running away before Liam could say anything more.

 

"Aww, look at his face! He looks like an adorable little lamb. Bless." Louis said, smiling lovingly over at Liam. Liam wondered how he'd managed to make friends like these.

 

"You'll do great." Harry said encouragingly, pecking Liam on the cheek.

 

"Oi, Li! Get your arse up here!" Niall said. Liam sighed and stepped onto the stage. "We're going ta do a song everyone knows, alright?"

 

"Okay. What happens if I don't know it?"

 

"I'm going to beat you over the head with a frying pan, ya muppet." Louis deadpanned.

 

"Then Harry will jump in." Harry nodded seriously. Liam sighed and stood up straight in front of the room of people. He was secretly hoping he wouldn't know the song so he wouldn't have to do this. The whispers had only just died down. He didn't need them to start again. Unfortunately, Liam did know the song. He wished it were anything else.

 

The first notes of "Hear You Me" by Jimmy Eat World started, Liam felt his eyes starting to tear up. This had been Zayn's favorite song before he'd died, and afterwards, it had been the entire story of Liam and Zayn. As it neared his cue to sing, Liam looked down at Harry. Harry seemed to realize what was happening and stepped up onto the stage just as Liam made a run for it. He made it to the loo before he vomited, luckily. Unluckily, standing right outside the door were two girls.

 

"Do you think Liam was like, in _love_ with Zayn?"

 

"I wouldn't doubt it. I've seen the pictures of that boy and _damn!_ Too bad he was a suicidal nut; otherwise I would have totally tapped that."

 

Liam shoved out of the loo and their eyes met.

 

"Fuck, I'm sorry, Liam, I didn't-" Liam was gone before she'd finished her apology.

 

*

 

The bridge was kind of beautiful at this time of night, Liam thought as he stood looking out over the city lights. The water below was dark and sloshing about in a sickeningly appealing way. He worked to control his breathing. His heart was beating fast when he started to scream.

 

"Is this what you fucking wanted? You wanted to make me think that I could be okay and then drag me down to your level? I _hate_ you! You left me here to rot because you couldn't handle it! You're right, Zayn, you were _weak_! You were weak because you felt you couldn't talk to me because you thought I'd judge you! I _loved_ you Zayn! I fucking loved you! And now I'm stuck in this ridiculous city, standing on a bridge, because of _you!_ I have some news for you, mate, life sucks. Life sucks, but it goes on. Why couldn't you go on for me? You were my lifeline, Zayn! I fucking _needed_ you to be here! _For me!_ "

 

"Liam."

 

Liam whipped his head around and looked at Harry. His eyes were wide, his pink lips parted in surprise.

 

"I-I'm sorry, H-Harry. Please I j-just needed a bit o-of."

 

"It's okay, Liam. Just- Just come down, okay?"

 

"I don't think I can."

 

"He wouldn't want you to do this, Liam. He wouldn't."

 

"How do you know what he'd want?"

 

"Because I've heard the way you talk about him, Li. At first, you always looked so sad when you talked about him, but it got easier. And you laughed and smiled more, and I...god damn it, Liam, I fell _in love_ with you! And I know I can't replace Zayn, and that's okay. Because I understand why you'd pick him first. Because he knew you, inside and out, and he'd know what was best for you. And he'd know that what's best for you is to come down off the bridge and walk away."

 

"It hurts so much, Harry." Liam said, letting a sob out. Harry's eyes were glassy with tears.

 

"I know, Liam. I know."

 

Harry cautiously stepped up to the bridge and offered a hand to Liam. He slowly took it and let Harry tug him off the bridge. He collapsed into Harry's waiting arms and sobbed into his coat. Harry didn't utter a sound, just held him tight and pressed feather-light kisses to the top of his head.

 

"It's all going to be okay, Liam. I swear to you that it is."

 

And then they were kissing, Liam's lips sliding effortlessly with Harry's. Harry kissed like he talked, slow and deep and passionate. Liam took it all in, never wanting to forget this moment in case it never happened again. In case Harry let go and walked away forever.

 

He didn't.

 

*

**5 years later**

“What do the arrows stand for?”

 

Liam was sitting in a corner booth with Louis and Niall for the grand reopening of Harry’s mum’s bakery which he had officially bought and renamed “Stylinson”, an inside joke that most people didn’t get, but that Harry, Louis, Niall, and Liam all found hilarious.

 

The boys were not only celebrating Harry’s bakery, but the fact that Niall’s band (which was now Niall, Louis, and Liam’s band) had just released its first album a month ago and one of their songs was number one in the US, the UK, and Japan.

 

The girl to ask the question was about fourteen, and she was staring at the four arrows lining Liam’s arm. He smiled over at her and pointed to it.

 

“One for my four best friends. Louis, Niall, my fiancé, Harry, and Zayn.”

 

“Zayn?”

 

“Yeah, he was my best friend in school. He died a few years ago.” The girl frowned and a few fans standing around the table “awed.”

 

“No, it’s okay! If he were here, he’d tell me that the tattoo is the cheesiest fucking thing he’s ever seen.” They all laughed and the little girl smiled as Liam signed her CD.

 

“Do you have any other tattoos?” A boy to his left asked.

 

“Nope, just the one.” Liam lied. When the fans left, Harry closed the shop and they walked hand in hand back towards their flat.

 

Harry took his time undressing Liam that night, kissing every inch of skin he could reach and pushing him gently into the mattress. Liam loved when Harry took his time. When he would fuck into him slowly and tease Liam for what felt like hours.

 

Afterwards, Liam curled into Harry’s side and nuzzled his face into his neck, kissing lightly as Harry dragged his fingers over Liam’s back.

 

“Why’d you tell them you only had one tattoo?” Harry asked softly, his voice laced with sleep.

 

“I didn’t want to answer a bunch of questions. It’s supposed to be something special, not ways for people to bring up the past.”

 

“You’re afraid if you tell them, they’ll start digging into what happened?”

 

“I mean, people have already figured out that I was there, but they don’t need to know about my relationship with Zayn.”

 

“Understandable,” Harry murmured, tilting Liam’s head up and kissing him.

 

“He would’ve been my best man.” Liam whispered into Harry’s mouth. Harry smiled, his dimples making Liam shiver.

 

“Then we’ll leave a spot open. Just because he’s not physically here doesn’t mean he can’t be in the wedding.” And that was why Liam loved Harry, because he understood.

 

He fell asleep to the feeling of Harry tracing the tattoo on his hip. The one that read, in Zayn’s looping script: _be it Heaven, Hell, or somewhere in between_

 

*

 

 

_Dear Zayn,_

_I'm still angry with you, know that. But I don't hate you. I don't think I ever actually did. I still love you more than air, but I'm not_ in _love with you. This letter wasn't my idea. Harry told me it might help, and, while some of his ideas are shit, this one seemed like a good one. He wasn't wrong. There's so much I want to tell you. Simon Cowell signed the band and one of our songs is number one in the US, UK, and Japan. Japan, Zayn!_

_Louis met some girl named Eleanor and she’s coming on tour with us. I'm not sure if it'll work out, but I'm hoping it does. She makes him really happy, and he's seemed rather down lately._

_As for Harry and I, it's been going great. We’re getting married next month. I’m leaving a spot for you in the wedding party. You’re not getting out of being my best man that easily! Harry’s an amazing cook. I wish you were around to taste some of this stuff! He can create the best stuff out of the most random ingredients. It's quite impressive. I'm in love with him._

_I hate what you did, Zayn. It was stupid and awful. But in a way, I'm glad you did. Because if you hadn't, I wouldn't have gone to London and I wouldn't have met these amazing people and I wouldn't have fallen in love with Harry and out of love with you._

_I miss you every single day, but it doesn't ache like it used to. And wherever you are, whether it be Heaven, Hell, or somewhere in between (though, I doubt it's Hell. Because, despite what you think, you're too good for Hell, too), I hope to see you again someday. Only, this time, I want to bring Harry with. I think you'd love him. Actually, I_ know _you would. Because I love him, and you'd see how happy he makes me. How he's sweet and kind and so_ good _that there's really no way to_ not _love him._

_A final goodbye is all I have left for you. And I'm sorry, too. I'm sorry I didn't see you hurting. And I'm sorry I didn't forget you. It's just not possible._

_Love always, Liam_


End file.
